Zoosk: What the bloody hell!?

In this day and age of the Internet, we're more connected via social media and what not, but somehow fail to make meaningful connections. Thanks to that, we have an ever growing number of online dating services promising to hook you up through some sort of online chicanery...I mean match-making. And they're everywhere. I'm not kidding, since I've written this, I've seen ads for three different dating sites...and four pizza delivery companies. Apparently I fit in to a viewing demographic of hungry, lonely losers.

Forever alone pizza...never has a meme been more appropriate in food form.

Remember when we used to go to a bar or nightclub to meet  a mate? Me neither, I'm married to the girl I went out with in high school. But I'm told that's how it was done. Now we log on to sites like facebook to get poked, and there's just something wrong with that. Add in that impersonal approach to dating,  and we have examples of what's wrong with our society.

There's e-Harmony, which talks about some ridiculous number of traits that they put in to some sort of mathematical formula to find you the perfect match. Because that's what was missing in the institution of marriage, scientifically formulated equations. Nothing says I love you like a theorem. Pythagoras was HOT!

E-Harmony's guy looks like his graphing calculator was his first love.

But the worst offender is the latest example of our materialism and nature shallower than a kiddie pool in the Sahara: Zoosk. The first commercial I saw for Zoosk had a woman and her three friends drooling like Pavlovian dogs over some male models zoosk shows to be their dating fodder.

First off, what horrible labeling. Serious romance? Just because you have enough candles to warrant a visit from the fire marshal doesn't make it romantic. You're looking to get shtupped. (Is that the correct spelling? I don't know Yiddish, and I didn't want to say "fucked". Ooops...) That's fine, I don't agree with the whole men can screw anyone and it's fine and a woman who does it is a whore double standard. It takes two to tango. But call it like it is princess. 

Second, we constantly hear about the magazine images of women being too skinny making women do stupid ass shit to be that horrifically skinny First off, who likes these sticks? If men liked twigs, then why isn't that what you see in porn? Not that I've ever seen one....  But what about the reverse? Where's the outrage over men having to look like 'roided up meatheads to be worth dating? 

The latest ad though is even dumber, which I found rather surprising considering how lowly the bar was set.

I really hope one of the people standing outside that office after their less than subtle romp in the paper tray (huh huh...talk about a paper jam) is from HR to fire their freshly-tapped asses. But judging from the reactions, I'm guessing they work for Voyeur Incporporated. You've got a dorky looking guy saying "Aloha" in a "funny" way. Aloha? Really? I guess the commercial's stupidity is evidence enough of a lack of writing staff, but they couldn't come up with anything funnier than aloha? Here, I'll pitch three lines off the top of my head better than aloha.

1) That's one way of filling an opening.

2) Well that's one way of making copies.

3) The intern program has never been the same since we brought in Clinton.

So the girl who apparently had the office romance comes back from the cut scene and says she'll "Stick to Zoosk for dating." Right...sorry you kinky little minx, but I somehow doubt sticking to Zoosk will prevent your inner exhibitionist coming rearing it's ugly head. You'll just do it at places other than work. 

Aloha...now go get lei-ed.